Life Comes At Ya Fast (I got fired oops)

When Ferris Buhler said "Life moves pretty fast", I didn't realize that he was speaking directly to me.

Pretty sure when he said the line he thought to himself "Wow I really hope that Bethany Simko hears this in the year 2021". What a wise little man. Because it really does. Shall we do a rundown of my last month and a half? Since I am the writer here, I'm gonna make a quick executive decision and say that yes, we shall. And since you are the reader, you better get ready to read baby. 

May 26th I was fired from my social media job at that home security company. Which to say the least, came out of the freaking blue. I came into work hyped to work on some new projects and ready to dive into content creation. Little did I know, about 5 minutes after I arrived, I would be called down to the conference room to meet with my supervisor and the VP. They let me know that they were unsatisfied with my work there and had no more need for me in that position in the company. Ouch. That really freakin hurt. I felt like I had been working my tail off to make things work and I was learning so much. I had so many emotions surround it. Mostly disbelief and fear. Luckily, I held myself together during the meeting and thanked them for their time with me and the opportunity to work there. I went upstairs and collected my things.

I clocked in at 10am and clocked out at 10:16am. In 16 minutes, a whole lot of things changed for me. I lost my primary source of income and financial stability, I lost a lot of friends I had made there and I lost some confidence in myself and my abilities. I made it to my car and just absolutely broke down.

The loudest emotion for me was fear. I had bills to pay. I had shit to do. I'm living that adult life and that adult life loves to eat at your money. Everything from my apartment, to my car, my phone, or even things like gas and food. All of that was now uncertain. I immediately cut down on expenses that weren't absolutely necessary and gave myself a day to cry about it. The next day I was on FIRE. I was so motivated to get my businesses of the ground and really scale them. I so determined and like a little ball of energy. 

Then, reality hit. A few weeks after I found myself unemployed, with rent was due in 15 days and I was broke as hell. I needed to make $500 in 15 days and I had no job. I was beyond disappointed in myself. My businesses were supposed to pop off and I was supposed to be an absolutely successful boss babe who works for herself and stays up all night fulfilling orders and editing pics. But, that wasn't my reality. It still isn't my reality.

What I really didnt want, was to get another job. Turns out, life doesn't really care what you want. I despised the idea of having someone else set my schedule, set my pay and use my skills to further their company while I could be furthering mine. But the truth is, that without a set schedule, I wasn't great at managing my time. So I sucked up my pride and got a job at a retail store at the mall... which paid about half of what I used to get paid. Not very encouraging I will tell you that.

As you can tell, my spirits weren't very high. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to make a livable income on my own - with my own photography, jewelry, and clothing brand. For not making my own businesses succeed. For relying on someone else to pay me for folding THEIR clothes and selling THEIR clothes, when I should be selling MINE.

And honestly, thats the hard truth. While I have no where near given up on doing my own thing, it doesn't always turn out how you would hope. Reality is hardly ever glamourous. I don't feel glamorous sweeping the floor of a retail store. But hey, it gives me time to dream. It gives me time to think about all the things I want to do in the future. And it gives me motivation. To get out as soon as possible. To get my crap together so I have a shot at my million dollar future.

My "million dollar future" is starting to feel like a stupid dream. Like a childhood fantasy that I gave myself to escape reality. Maybe I should just settle ya know? What's so bad about middle class suburbs? And my answer comes from that little girl inside me who is still screaming for that bigger future. She will absolutely not let me give up on this. Even when I feel that light start to fade and the fear start to take over, she pushes me forward. She reminds me that I am here for something great. There's almost 8 billion people on the planet and I refuse to be just another one of them.

Maybe that dream is foolish. Maybe that narrative is naive. Maybe I've got my head in the clouds and I am setting myself up for failure. But so be it. I'll sweep floors and hang up clothes for the rest of my life but I won't stop dreaming about my mansion with a pool and a super freaking cool shower. 

So, even if I barely make rent sometimes (spoiler alert, those mini photography sessions I offered were literally just to pay my rent), one day I'll be well enough off to help out some other little girl in my position with the wildest dreams who just got fired from her first big girl job.

To that little girl, I'm coming. I'll succeed just so I can give you a chance. Because life comes at you fast. And you'll need some help navigating. 

xoxo, Bethany :)