Life is What You Make It

My life is exactly what I make it. I keep learning this over and over again in different ways. And it's recently hit me again. 

I’m great at making future goals, writing grand manifestations for myself, dreaming big and thinking “of course, I’ll be happy when I’m there. It's going to be amazing”. And yet, I've set goals, I've manifested, and I've dreamt big to be exactly where I am right now. Here I am still thinking “I’ll be happy when I’m there. It's going to be amazing”- instead of- “I’m happy right here. This is amazing”. 

So, how do I make the switch?

As I was flying back to Austin this past week, I envisioned myself being flown out for a brand trip, on my way to NYFW - where I wish I was right now. I was surprised by what I felt. Sure, I was excited, but I was also nervous. Nervous about my outfits, afraid I had left something behind, anxious that I was going to have to catch up on so much work when I got home, wondering if my videos from the trip would do well, and if the brand would be happy that they invited me. 

Even while living out a literal dream, I was a little ball of anxiety. Rather than that feeling of “I’ve made it”, I was caught up in every “what if” and trivial moment outside of the miracle I was experiencing. 

My life doesn’t become easier in the future. My life isn’t happier in the future. If I'm anxious or lacking vision now, I’ll be anxious and lacking vision then. You’ve heard it a thousand times, but it’s like physical fitness: if you’re not a runner now, you won’t be a runner in 6 months. If you don’t start lifting now, you’ll be just as weak in the future.

Time doesn't automatically equal progress.

If I don’t start practicing gratitude, slowing down, and being calm for where I am now, I’m never going to be able to enjoy that future I build for myself. 

So, there's the switch. My life is exactly what I make it. Right now.

I have complete control over where I am, who I am, and who is a part of my life. I can make an excuse about any of that saying, “no, this has to be done” or "this has to be this way", but it really is an excuse.

Even things like work projects that I tell myself 100% need to be worked on in this exact moment. Technically, no. You could quit and travel the world. You could make a thousand happy little memories of you just up and leaving. Of course, you’ll have to deal with the consequences. You could be stuck in Bali with no job and your money could run out because you didn’t plan.

So, you make the choice to stay and work at your job. It's an active decision. Sometimes there's just as much harm in leaving as staying. We balance the risk.

But, the beauty is that it’s our risk to take.

There is nothing that ever ever has to be done, the universe around us will never force us into everything. We have the choice to walk away or change direction at any point and take the consequences with it. Everything we have, everything we do, and every second of doing (or not doing) something is an active choice 100% up to us.

Every second we breathe, we take risks. To act, or not to act. To change, or not to change. To be happy, or not to be happy.

I have no clue how to tell you what risks to take or what to stick with. All I know is that I constantly have to remind myself to take full responsibility for every situation I'm in. Even if it’s not my fault I’m there, It’s my job to deal with it. It's my job to react to it, to actively participate in the decision to stay or leave, and to heal from it. 

Because my life is what I make it.

After being in Utah for a week, I woke up in my apartment in Texas again. I looked around and felt nothing. I got to wake up on my own schedule, in my own cute apartment in a beautiful city I had worked hard to get to. It felt normal. I don't want it to feel normal. I want to wake up in a sense of awe, ready to take the next steps to my bigger future. I want to stay mindful and intentional about my space and my life.

So, I took a second and practiced being in awe. I talked to the girl I was a year ago and told her where we were. I felt the floor under my fingers and remembered that I'm literally in Austin, Texas, in my own apartment, providing a life for myself, living my actual dream as an influencer. There it was, I was filled with a sense of awe, because I intentionally felt it. 

I'm not going to become happy with my life by one day creating a happy life. I choose to be happy with my life, I am awed by life on purpose. 

My life is everything I make it . 

No one else’s admiration, sense of awe at your life, or pride in you will get you out of bed in the morning. No one else's decisions will make you go to sleep at a decent time (instead of the endless scroll or staying up way too late because that’s the only time you feel you have to yourself). No one else's goals will change your lifestyle habits. No one else's life lessons can change your heart.

It comes down to the action you take and the decisions you implement in real time. And you've already come so far. You've already made your life into something incredible. 

Take time with me to thank yourself for who you were 6 months ago. To be grateful for the habits you started forming, for the people you chose to make connections with, and for the risks you decided to take. I hope you can remember to be in awe of the beautiful life you've made yourself. 

Because your life is what you make it. And you're making something pretty amazing.

xoxo, Bethany