To the Loners

To the whimsical ones. To the ones with dreams bigger than the sun. To the intense ones. The ones whose hearts ache for companionship. To the ones who yearn for understanding.

There comes a time when being alone is better than having company who doesn’t understand. When you prefer the friendship of your mind and the kindness you have to offer yourself. I believe that in every dreamer‘s life, they find the courage to be alone and that they are the better for it. 

A lesson the universe is determined to teach me is that I am the only one for me. I am the only thing that is constant. People, places, things, situations. They won’t last. But I will. It doesn’t matter who I connect with, and who walks out, because I will not walk out. I wake up every morning with my mind, I call the shots for every moment of the day and I go to bed having experienced every thought of my rawest reality. I am the one healing, celebrating my wins, and pushing my limits.

I am outgoing and I crave to be surrounded by people and this new stage of my life has challenged that. It’s proven to be difficult to change. Having someone along to accompany me at every moment used to be ideal. I strove to be someone they wanted to be around and bent over backwards to avoid being alone. My new desire is not to be known but to know myself so intimately, to memorize each intent of my brain, that I will never doubt myself again.

And so to my loners, who spend secluded nights with racing thoughts and who have experienced the depths of emptiness; I’m proud of you. We stand stronger for it. Every ounce of crushing loneliness is another step towards peace. Every time someone walks out of your life, you get the chance to learn to fill their spot with unyielding love for the person you have come to be. Every time you are abandoned or rejected, you prove your resilience. Reach out with good intent to the ones who you consider friends but fall back on the reassurance that their participation in your life is secondary. It is an afterthought. It is an opportunity for human connection but it does not determine the trajectory of your thought or regard for yourself and your future.

I am learning to treasure each moment that I get to be alone with myself. I hope that I will reach a precipice on my journey where I can look into a mirror and be filled with nothing but compassion, love and hope for myself. For now, I am grateful for the nights that I’ve written intense passages in my many journals full of angry desolation. Transforming that resentment when I was the only one to show up for me time and time again, into recognition for the strength that it is was powerful. I am the one who shows up for myself every time. How wonderful it is that I get to take a rocky journey and strengthen my step.

Each tear I have shed over my desire to connect will forever be a vital part of the realization that I have power over my state of being. That feeling of “FOMO” and sense of neglect is becoming a thing of the past. I value the individuals who choose to include me in their lives and their journeys. But don’t think twice on those who don’t. Because our peace is worth life itself.

Soon we will not be teenagers and we will be taking our place in the world. Us loners, we get it. When the time comes to test our bounds we cannot fail because we have dedicated that time to ourselves to reach a greater understanding of who we are. We did the work that needed to be done and we will continue to do so. Being alone is powerful. We are powerful.

So my dear loner, I love you. I am proud of your journey. You have paid your dues in silence and the wisdom you are gaining will aid you for life.

xoxo, Bethany